9th December

I think it’s Debra’s birthday today. Debra was a friend from school. She was almost a year older than me, now I’m the old one. She always invited me to her parties and we had fun. We used to be SO superior. I wonder if she’s changed? I have.
He started talking about names for the thing. He thinks Josef would be a good name, strong and proud. He wants it to be a boy, but He also wants it to be a girl just like Mummy. I don’t want it at all. Like that’s news.
Back to what happened. I decided that since nothing else would work, maybe I should try to be friendly to Him, you know, make Him kike me, let me go. I tried to find out His name, He told me to call Him friend (HUH?!), so I did. I asked Him to let me go to the toilet, He pointed to the bowl and said ‘There you go’. I told Him that if He let me go, I wouldn’t tell anyone, ‘Trust me’, I said. ‘No’, He said. I asked Him for a brush or comb, something to tidy my hair with. He cut it off. I asked Him where we were. He just said ‘Home’. I lost it. I started screaming and yelling, ‘This isn’t my home. My home is with my friends and my family and my school and my stuff. This isn’t my home.’ He just smiled and smacked me again. It’s not fair. He’s never going to let me go. I know that now. I wish I was at Debra’s party. I’d never be a superior bitch again. But that’s never going to happen.