16th December

I’m not dead yet. I still hurt like hell, but somehow, I’m still alive. He hasn’t noticed yet. He hasn’t been down here to notice. I haven’t seen Him in a couple of days.

He hasn’t even brought me any food (if you can call it that) since yesterday morning. I call it morning even though I don’t actually know what time of day it is. This time I’m glad He’s not here, cause if He was He’d try to help, try to save it. And that’s the last thing I want. But I do wonder where He is. If He’s coming back. That’s dumb of course. Of course He’s coming back, He wants to be a Daddy. The pain is getting worse. I can’t ignore it. I need Mum. But I can’t have her, can I? Mum would no what to do. She’d take care of me, make it all right. But Mum’s not here, is she? She’s never here. I’m all alone. They’re all gone, they all left me, they don’t love me, don’t want me anymore, even He doesn’t want me now. I’m all alone. Always alone. No one here, no one cares, no one ever wants to hear, leave her all alone down there. Pain, pain go away, leave me here in peace today. I don’t feel well. Think I’ll have me a bit of a snooze, maybe permanent. Please.