10th December

I was sick again today. He acted like it was something special. I don’t care anymore. It’s happening and there doesn’t seem to be a whole hell of a lot I can do about it either, so I’m trying a new tactic. Ignore it and hope it goes away. With my luck, I’ll end up with twins or triplets.Next instalment. After failing to befriend Him into letting me go, I tried sulking. That went down like a lead balloon. I crashed and burned with being a bitch too. So I tried to fight Him. Real smart, Not! That’s when I got a taste of His BAD SIDE. That’s what He called it. His BAD SIDE, capital letters and all. He beat the crap out of me. Broke my toes on my left foot. Split my lip and left my face the size and consistency of an over sized watermelon. The footprints He left on my belly were an interesting decoration for a while too. I decided then that it might be in my best interest to behave for a while. That was the first time He Rewarded me. I really don’t know which is worse, His Punishment or His Reward. At least with His Punishment I don’t have to see His face, since He leaves the torch off. Unfortunately that means I can’t tell what He’s going to do next. But the dark does make it easier to leave in my head. When He Rewards me He shines the torch in my eyes most of the time and Shit does that hurt. My eyes are really sensitive now from being in the dark most of the time, so when I have the torch I lean it on my leg to shine down away from my eyes. I started getting sick from the so-called food He gave me. I couldn’t keep it down. A lot of that had to do with taste I think. It was FOUL, still is. Grey food from a grey man in a grey box. He called it nutritional, I called it crap. He hit me for that and told me to be grateful because it’s more than some people get in a week in poor countries. I said ‘Aren’t they lucky, if they want it they can have it’. Pleased He was not. Too bad. God, I feel sick again. This is getting old fast.