8th January

He’s back. I almost thought He was gone for good. Don’t know why, He was only here yesterday(?). Just wishful thinking I guess. He wants to talk about the thing. I had almost forgotten about that too, but He just had to remind me. He wants to know if everything is all right. What does He think! He keeps asking me if I’ve chosen a name for it yet. Yeah, Goodbye. How’s that for a name?!

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7th January

July, August was a time of change. That’s when He started shaving me. And when I got infected by His seed. And when He decided to give me pencil and paper to write a diary with. He didn’t say why He wanted me to write a diary, just gave me the gear and told me to write. So I did. Well not straight away, cause I didn’t know what to write. I was afraid to write anything at first because I thought He would read it and Punish me if I wrote what was in my head. But then I figured ‘What the hell’, it’s not like things can get much worse. So as you can see, I write what I feel like and so far He hasn’t read it. At least I don’t think so. I’m not even sure if He can read or not. Probably not

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6th January

I must have been here 4 or 5 months, when HE shaved my pubes off. Yeah, my pubic hair. He said it was dirty messy, and it had to go. That was about the time I noticed my periods were almost nothing. I hated having them before, but at least they meant I was normal. Now normal is Nothing. It was really suck having Him shave me, cause He kept having to touch me and I hate that. And He kept nicking me with the blade. He used a straight razor like on cowboy movies instead of a regular razor. At least it was clean an sharp, not rusty and painfully dull (like Him). I tried not to move but I couldn’t help it, it hurt, and it was really humiliating having His hands there, but I didn’t have much choice. None actually. It was worse when it started growing back because it was really itchy. I actually read a mothers article about how women do this voluntarily when they have babies. Are they nuts?! He comes in to shave me on a sort of semi-regular basis, and it doesn’t get any better. Nothing does.

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5th January

The torch is definitely dying. I can hardly see to write, but I’ll do my best. What was I going to write about? Oh yes, The Darling Game. . It started quite by accident. You see He came in one night and I, not thinking, said ‘Not tonight, Darling, I have a headache’. And He said ‘Okay’, and left. I couldn’t believe it. He heard me and He left. So I tried it the next night and ‘Wha la’ it worked again. But He said I’d better not have a headache the next night. I decided not to push my luck. So anyway, I decided to try it with other things, like getting a bowl of water to wash with or some real soap. I even asked ‘Darling, if you wouldn’t mind terribly heating up my tea’, as it had gotten cold while He was using me (it tastes like crap hot but it’s worse cold, and I don’t think it really is tea, either). He actually did it. I know it’s not much of a Game, but it’s something, and it can sometimes make things a little bit easier.

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4th January

I don’t know why I’m bothering to write this diary anymore. No one is ever going to find it. Or me. And even if they did, they wouldn’t care any way. I don’t, so why should any one else. But I suppose it’s so I can get it all out and have some peace. Maybe. Any way, after I started getting a clue about His Games, I decided to give Him a taste of His own medicine. I thanked Him kindly for the delicious chicken and baked potatoes. Told Him the gravy was perfect, and the vegetables were divine. I apologised that I couldn’t eat the pudding, but I had just stuffed myself too much on the main meal. Then I suggested that as it was chicken, white wine would have been more appropriate than red, but that I didn’t really mind. I think I remembered the etiquette thing right. He just stood there making funny noises and pulling funny faces like I was crazy or something. Then He said ‘You’re ahh welcome, okay?’. I thanked Him again, sooo politely, and smiled like I was dismissing Him. He didn’t come back that night. So I tried it again the next night, and again every night for about a week. Then BAM. He came storming in and smacked me around the head so hard my ears started ringing, that really happens, you know, the ringing. and He screamed at me ‘Stop it, stop it, stop or I’ll Punish you, BAD’. That scared me straight. I stopped. I never did figure out what made Him lose it like that, all of a sudden. But I did figure out other games to play with His head. Like the Darling Game. The Darling Game still works sometimes, but I’ll tell you about it tomorrow, cause I’m too tired today, and I think the torch is almost dead, like me.

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